Uthappa wanted to commit suicide every day for three years in a row
Robin Uthappa, a member of India’s 2007 Twenty20 World Cup winning team, is a well-known face in the Indian Premier League (IPL). Although the beginning of his career was good, he was disappointed to be dropped from the team for a while. After that, the cricketer thought of committing suicide every day for three consecutive years.
Uthappa spoke about his difficult times speaking in the latest session of ‘Mind, Body and Soul’, a joint initiative of The Royal Rajasthan Foundation, in association with NS Vahia Foundation & McLean Hospital.
“When I made my debut in 2006, I wasn’t overly aware of myself. A lot of learning and development has happened since then. Right now, I am extremely aware of myself and really clear on my thoughts and myself. It’s easier for me to catch myself now if I’m slipping somewhere in someplace,”
He added, “I feel I have reached this place because I’ve gone through those tough phases wherein, I was clinically depressed and had suicidal thoughts. I remember around 2009 to 2011, it was constant and I would deal with that on a daily basis.”
Asked how he spent his time at that time, the 34-year old Uthappa said, “There were times where I wasn’t even thinking about cricket, it was probably the farthest thing in my mind. I was thinking about how I would survive this day and move on to the next, what’s happening to my life and in which direction am I heading.
“Cricket kept my mind off of these thoughts but it became really difficult on non-match days and during the offseason. On days I would just be sitting there and would think to myself on the count of three, I’m going to run and jump off of the balcony but something kind of just held me back.”
Uthappa thinks that everyone needs a negative side in their life. The wicketkeeper-batsman said, “I feel sometimes being negative is necessary. I’m someone who believes in the balance of life and I believe one cannot at all times be positive in life. Being negative or having negative experiences, going through trials and tribulations is sometimes necessary for one’s own growth.”